a venus retrograde to-do list
what i'm planning on doing during this rx
You’ve probably already seen on TikTok or Instagram that Venus went retrograde on July 22nd. In astrology, Venus rules love, harmony, balance, material things, money, and beauty. Your natal Venus will indicate how those things show up in your life, and will also clue you in on how you act in relationships. For example, if you have an Aries Venus, you might be the more bossy partner and the one to move on quicker. A Taurus Venus wants to go out to fancy dinners and be showered in expensive gifts. A Gemini Venus wants a partner they can constantly chat with, a Virgo Venus likes people they can fix up. In addition to our natal Venus, we’re going to feel Venus through the filter of the sign she’s currently transiting in our everyday lives. So, when Venus is in Scorpio, our relationships might take on an intense, obsessive quality. When Venus is in Libra, we might feel flirty and not ready to settle down. And when she’s in Leo, where the retrograde is going to take place, we require extra words of affirmation, we might cause drama for drama’s sake, we might be a little self-absorbed…
Honestly, it’s hard for me to categorize or find the right description for Venus in Leo. It’s probably because it hits too close to home—my natal Venus is in Leo and has always been a confusing planet in my chart. It just feels like Venus things don’t WORK for me the way they work for other people. I have this idea that everyone gets Venus blessings and somehow I got skipped over. Like, God decides that you’re good at make-up, or making a lot of money, or you have really good style. I feel like I’m bad at all of those things—and I’m not even good at getting attention, one of the things Venus in Leo is known for! Maybe it’s because I was also born during a Venus retrograde that Venus things work backwards for me. Venus isn’t her usual self when she’s moving retrograde—she’s pickier, brattier, less concerned with smoothing everything over. She’s more impulsive about what she wants and has more trouble feeling satisfied.
I didn’t think much of this current Venus retrograde until I noticed the degree it was stationing at (where it stops and starts moving backwards). It was at 28º Leo! That’s where my natal Venus is! It felt like a sign, like there’s some lesson to be learned here. I didn’t mention this earlier, but something else Venus rules is pleasure—what brings us pleasure, where we find pleasure, etc. I have a tenuous relationship with pleasure because for a long time I only found it when I was drinking. I loved being a little tipsy and getting ready for a night out, sharing bottles of wine with my friends in my old living room, doing karaoke and dancing while borderline blackout. Everything else felt so monotonous and hard that being drunk was my most foolproof way to enjoy life. Obviously I don’t drink anymore and all of the old things that used to bring me joy started giving me anxiety. I tried hosting karaoke again and didn’t really like it. Getting dressed and putting on make-up is a recipe for a dark mental spiral. Dealing with food and stomach issues has made going out to eat or hanging out with people more of a chore than a chill, fun activity. It’s been rough!
While past Venus retrogrades have had their share of challenges for me, this one feels like kind of a blessing, and if not a blessing, then a new opportunity. Venus’ extended stay conjunct my natal Venus feels like a chance to get to know this planet that can feel like a real bitch sometimes. Maybe if I get to know her a little better, then we won’t feel so at odds. Therefore, I’ve listed out some things that I’m going to work on during this Venus retrograde that maybe you can do too! Or not! Literally do whatever you want!
Self-promo like my life depends on it
Normally, I absolutely hate sharing anything on social media. When I want to post about readings, an article I wrote, or just a random thought, I start thinking the worst things about myself and start imagining what other people are going to think about me. Like, what will this random coworker think about me posting this?? So-and-so is going to think I’m weird! And so on. This isn’t really a recipe for finding success as an astrologer or writer in 2023, lol. So I’m going to push past my crippling fear of posting and try to engage in more self-promo during this retrograde.
Shopping pause and selling all my shit
Astrologers caution against making impulse purchases during Venus retrograde in case you end up regretting it (this also goes for major haircuts, beauty procedures, etc). I’m going to try and follow this advice by going on another shopping hiatus (the one I wrote about in my last newsletter was broken by a self-soothing Uniqlo haul and then a Marc Jacobs dress from The Real Real) until the retrograde is over. This is always difficult because my Leo Venus loves shiny, new (to me) things. I’m also moving in with Tommy later this year so I want to do some extra-deep purging and find creative ways to get rid of stuff (and I’m never not on posh…).
(editor’s note: literally immediately after I wrote this I went to do laundry and ended up at a handmade market near my laundromat and bought a knitted bolero sweater…lol…no shopping from now on…)
Take and post more outfit pics
There’s a scene in an early episode of Girls where Marnie and Jessa talk about Hannah’s inability to put herself together that lives rent-free in my head. This is how I feel ALL OF THE TIME! I have the clothes, accessories, and make-up, but for some reason the finished product always looks off, which is probably why I’m in an endless cycle of buying the FINAL thing that will make everything WORK. I’m sure I look fine but I want to, if not fix, then explore this dilemma during the retrograde. My solution? More outfit pictures…and sharing them! I revived an old Insta and have started documenting my outfits and writing fun little captions about them (you can follow along here). Is it a cop out that only like two people follow this account and I’m not taking it to true main? Whatever, this is all I can handle for now, and I’m hoping this alleviates some of the pressure and self-hatred around getting dressed and helps me think of it as something more fun/an expression of my CREATIVE SELF.
Fake it til you make it vibes
While I have a lot of planets in Leo, ultimately I’m simply a shy, perfectionist Virgo Sun who feels like I have to be the ULTIMATE EXPERT of something before I do it. I’m so tired of this fear stopping me from doing so many things—branching out with writing, trying new recipes, reaching out to people I don’t know. During this retrograde, if something comes up that I want to do, I’m going to try and DO IT even if I don’t feel qualified or good enough. Leos are performers, and I want to play with the idea of performing in my own life to reach beyond my own self-limitation.
Find what brings me pleasure, or find peace in complex pleasure
I feel like I sold myself short earlier in this newsletter—there are a lot of things that I enjoy doing, they’re just not as purely pleasurable without the protection of alcohol. And maybe that’s ok! Maybe it’s unrealistic for me to expect that all things will just be 100% good and fun all of the time. Like, writing this was annoying to start, but actually doing it and finishing it feels good! I’ve also changed a lot which I often have trouble accepting—the things I liked doing a few years ago are not exactly the same things I like doing now. A couple of years ago I was going through a terrible bout of UTIs and was crying about it over Christmas when my mom told me that “I didn’t want to be happy,” which is something she’s told me for years (wouldn’t be a newsletter without mommy issues coming up!). But that’s not true! A lot of random, mundane things make me feel good or happy, and I want to explore those more than thinking of pleasure as the big, shiny, indulgent thing.
Ok, that’s all! Honestly that’s probably too many things but what can I say, Venus is conjunct my natal Jupiter, and we will all probably be doing the most since Venus is going to be on-and-off squaring Jupiter in Taurus during its retrograde journey. Here’s a few more things from me:
Architectural Digest pieces! Cancer and Leo, Cancer is dedicated to Allie Gibeily who taught me the meaning of being a Cancer before I even knew that much about astrology and those Leo celebs…they made some design choices!
Spiritual Sonja episodes! Drew and I talk about iconic Bravo couples (and didn’t foresee the Mauricio and Kyle split, lol) and the KARDASHIANS! It was hard to shut up during this episode because I have so much to say about them and also we get into family astrology which maybe one day I’ll write about here??
READINGS! I’m trying to book more readings, hopefully you enjoyed this Venus read and want to know more about your own Venus now…?
See you soon!
ET